This is a deeply personal post with a therapeutic goal.
I’ve had a very bad week.
My Group Dynamics professor keeps telling us that when we talk about our feelings, it helps us to canalize them, and therefore resolve the tension, calm emotions. If this is true, that’d be the first useful thing she said during that class. I’m not convinced, but I can’t just sit there anymore and be silent, and I have no one to talk to about it. I mean, I guess I could… but then I think that I don’t want to burden anyone with my bad mood. It’s enough that they have to put up with me in a state like this.
So my blog is an ersatz of this therapeutic conversation that I need. I could write in my own personal diary, but here there’s at least a potential that someone sometime might actually read it. I probably should be freaked out about it, but the thought is surprisingly soothing.
So let’s start with this: I am beyond exhausted.
There was a complaint from one of our clients, and the fault for it was pinned down on me. Let’s not dwell on the fact that I have NO decisive power in my job, so basically I do what I’m told, thus it couldn’t be my fault. Let’s not. Let’s just say that due to that client complaint I was instructed to do something very boring, very time and effort-consuming and I had to finish it before 6 pm today.
So basically I’ve been doing it at work all week, and then I realized there was no way I was going to make it on time if I leave it for office hours. So yesterday, after work and classes at Uni, I came back home and started working on that stupid thing. It was around 10 pm. At 7 am my spine gave in and I had to lie down for a while. Woke up three hours later. Didn’t go to classes. Sat on my butt in front of my computer and worked instead. Finished at 5 pm.
16 hours of working, contorted on my not-so-comfortable chair, with spine killing me and brain slowly shutting down. I drank a sea of Yerba Mate to stay awake and got through it.
The worse in it?
I probably won’t get paid for it at all, because it’s due to a client complaint.
So yeah, I’m really exhausted, but I overdosed Yerba Mate and can’t sleep yet. Welcome to my personal brand of hell. And, oh yeah, my spine is still hurting.
But it’s not the end of the story. Or rather, it is the end, but I wand to take a step back. Because the whole week was like that: I slept for 3 hours tops, went to the office and for classes at Uni and basically worked my ass off. (Or arse, as my British friends would say.) (You know that stereotype about British English being the elegant and sophisticated one? SO NOT TRUE. At least judging by what I learn from Eleri and Lou.) (Eleri and Lou, and Bri, are my new friends. Together we are KLOT4. I shall add the appropriate note in my “The Cast” sub page.)
And before that, there was Falkon. Falkon is an annual fantasy fan convention held in Lublin, which is 5 hours away by train. It lasts four days and is pretty awesome. But you don’t get to sleep that much during it. I mean, there are all those distractions… like my friends whom I see roughly once a year, exactly then, during Falkon. And a night before that I’ve been preparing questions for our pop quiz on the Witcher Saga (we, that is me and Jod, held it on Friday and it was a success). So all in all, during that five days, I’ve slept around 12 hours. Which is 3 hours per night. Well.
So you can see why I am so damn tired.
But of course there is more than physical exhaustion.
(You didn’t think this post would be short, did you? Well. It won’t be. It will be, however, rather personal, so you can ignore it. Ooops. Maybe I should have said it on the beginning. Welp.)
So I met someone during Falkon. Not that it’s strange, I met a lot of new people. But that person was pretty special. Mainly because it was the first girl I got interested in that wasn’t helplessly straight.
You know, I have a long record of failed loves and crushes. I’ve been in love with my best friend for ten years before I found out he’s gay. Then I’ve been in love with my other best friend who was straight and I still thought I was straight too, so I pretty much pushed it out of my conscious brain. There have been moments, though, when I wondered. I remember one time in particular, when we were lying on a huge bed in a hostel in Wrocław, me, M. (the gay friend I’ve been in love with; it was after he came out to me and after I managed to get over him) and our friend A. (we were all classmates). I’m trying to remember whether I talked with them about it and I think I did, but I’m not sure. But I certainly thought about it. “What if…?”, I thought. “What if I’m not just very close to her? What if that’s love? After all, I don’t know much about love.” I never admitted to that friend that I was in love with her. Mainly because I was never sure until recently, because only recently I came out to myself as bisexual or pansexual, or whatever you want to call it. (I really don’t like etiquettes. They’re good for clothes, not people.) And we don’t speak anymore. I mean the contact just faded away, died naturally. Which is very sad, because I really liked… well, loved her. Even if we could never be together, I still grieve the lost friendship. People grow apart and I don’t like it, but there’s nothing I can do about it.
After that, there have been a long list of guys and – recently – girls that caught my attention. I suppose I could call them my crushes. The problem is – all the boys were either gay or taken and all the girls were straight (and sometimes taken too, ugh). Well.
The story of my life. I think I should preside over a club for Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys. Also Girls Who Like Girls Who Like Boys. Oh, fuck it.
Anyway, Falkon. First time in my life when I met a fellow bisexual girl that I actually got interested in. (I’ve met bi and les before, of course, but it doesn’t mean I was immediately drawn to them.) And for a moment there it seemed she was interested in me too. Or maybe I just misinterpreted the signals. Did I make it all up in my mind?
“She’s weird”, this was what my friend said about her. I agreed. Yes, she was weird. But apparently I like weird. I thought she was cute. And pretty. And, omg, when she put on that shirt with a low neckline… well, let’s just say my IQ dropped significantly for a while, before I could pull myself together. I never knew it could be so… animal. The infatuation.
Yeah, I kinda developed a crush on her.
Only to see her getting together with our mutual friend. A boy.
So…
Yeah.
I’m a tad disappointed.
Not that it’s a big thing anyway. My world didn’t collapse and shatter into little pieces like it was with M. I’ve known her for a day before the situation was made very clear. It’s not like I was ready to jump into a relationship with her just because I thought she was cute and my heart rate raised sligthly when she was close. I’m far too picky for that. I also have high standards. Probably too high. But there, right there, I saw a glimpse of hope, an opportunity that doesn’t happen a lot to me. Or maybe I was only interested because she seemed to be drawn to me. I’ve been single my entire life and I long for a grain of… something. An emotion. A feeling of being close with someone. Absolute acceptance. Confirmation of my purposefulness in this world. I don’t know.
I’ve been single my entire life but it’s only after something like that happens when I really feel lonely. And sad. This isn’t something frequent, I’m usually a very happy person and I embrace life with full positivity and openness. But at times like this I go back to that time in my life when everything was dark and there was literally no one who could be my sparkle of light. When I felt so lonely and worthless and unimportant that stupid thoughts got into my head. Sometimes, in some very rare moments of absolute self-doubt and self-pity, those thoughts come back. They’re just glimpses, but they’re there. I’m an overly emotional person, my mood swings are rare but very deep. (Unless I’m on pills. Then mood swings happen every ten minutes or so.) (That’s why I’m usually not on pills, though I should be.) (I’m a bad patient.) I had a moment like this today. Coming down the stairs, barely alive after those 16 hours of working, painfully aware of my every flaw, forgetting all the amazing things in my life. Feeling like I’m only a burden to all those awesome people in my life, feeling like I’m worthless, like I don’t matter. If I had a gun in my hand in that short moment… I don’t know. I don’t know.
But that lasted only few seconds, a minute at most. I went out, felt the freezing air biting my cheeks, put on my headphones, took a deep breath and everything returned to normal. I’m still exhausted, I’m still sad and disappointed. But it’s manageable.
Also, if not for three bright spots in the darkness of this week, I’d go totally nuts. I mean like take-a-sharp-knife-go-on-streets-and-attack-innocent-passers-by-and-then-cut-your-own-veins kinda nuts. (Exaggerating only a little.)
And those three bright spots were: my Morpions, whom I barely saw this week, but even this little of them could push me into a tad better mood; new episode of Glee, because that’s my obsession and I love it and I totally invest in fictional characters of this show as well as the actual cast, and I do so way too much; and my KLOT4, that is Bri, Eleri and Lou, who all three have inadvertently kept me sane throughout the week by just being themselves and putting up with me.
Thank you, guise.
There, I said it all. (Well, almost. But that’s far too private to share with anyone. I guess I’m gonna have to canalize it with my mirror or something.) I don’t know if I feel better. Maybe a little. I’m still very tired and not sleepy at all, damn you, Yerba Mate. I love you too much, I shouldn’t have overdosed you. Ech. I’ll try to take a bath and maybe then the sleep will come.
Goodnight, I guess.
I am back!
I was gone way too long. So many things have happened in that time! In my life, in the world, in myself. This post will be only an update on my recent doings, but I promise I’ll be back with my pointless babble in no time. After all, I’m doing it mostly for myself. Though I appreciate HUGELY every comment and every visit to this blog. Sometimes it’s nice to know you’re not talking only to the mirror.
Anyway, last time I wrote I was saying that my exam session was going well. And it did – with one little exception. I flunked the oral Italian exam. It was entirely my fault (though I really wanted to blame Glee for that, I can’t, it was me who preferred watching it and reading Dalton instead of actually learning). But the consequences are just not fair. Usually when you fail an exam, you get to retake it in September and all is fine. I get to retake it too, but because I need to pass all my exams before my BA exam, I couldn’t get BA now, as everybody else, I have to take it in September too. And that means I can’t apply for the studies of secondary level, the MA studies. Everyone will get in before I even get my BA. My only hope is that there will be the second enrollment in September and I’ll get in then, but it’s not certain and I might be facing the possibility of loosing an entire year. I don’t know what I’ll do with myself in that case. Of course I’ll apply for MA studies next year, but in the meantime… I’ll have to find a job. And what if I can’t? What if I have to go back to my parents’ home and leave everything I have here behind FOR A FREAKING YEAR?! Not mentioning that my roommate would be in extremely difficult situation, having to find a new roommate very, very fast and all.
Or maybe I’ll just go to Warsaw, get a visa and come living in USA for that gap year. I’m not joking – I’m seriously considering a year in USA as an au-pair or a nanny. I’ve been in France twice for summer vacations exactly to do this – be an au-pair, so I have some experience. I speak decent English. The family would provide me with accommodation and some pocket-money. I’d have to use all my savings from France just to get the plane ticket, but one day I’ll have to use it anyway, so why not for this? I really want to visit USA – and not only travel as a tourist, I want to feel this country, live there for a while, just like I did with France.
But all this is a consideration, in case I don’t get in to my MA studies. I really really really hope I will.
I had a serious breakdown when I found out about this. A darkest day of my life since high school, or maybe even since middle school. I was hysterical, crying all the time, wanting to curl up on my bed and never ever get up. But I got over it and next day I was fine. And I am fine.
Surprisingly fine. Better than I ever was, actually.
And I don’t know if this is because of that flunked exam, or because of my new internship, or because of Glee, but I am feeling better in my skin than I ever felt. Like I’ve been reborn. Everything is new. I’m looking at the world with wide eyes and feeling it more intensely than ever. I’m not afraid anymore.
And that’s probably the biggest change: the one in me. And I guess I have Glee to thank for that. But this is a topic for another post. Because you probably raise your eyebrows right now, thinking how silly I am saying that a simple show (and not the best quality one, as I’m sure some of you might think) could make that big of a difference. Well, it did. It showed me something very important; more than that: it made me believe it. Something no one could do until now. But as I said, it’s a topic for another time.
There’s another thing that happened while I was gone from here: the History of French Language Exam. I got a decend grade from it, but two of my best friends weren’t that lucky. The teacher had done something unforgivable and frankly just criminal – opened our private e-mail even though the girls were protesting. It’s against the Constitution of Republic of Poland, let alone the penal code. Moreover, in one of the e-mails he found a silly name that someone made up for him. I can’t stress that enough: it was our private correspondence. He had no right to read it. But he did and then abused the girls for it verbally to the point they left the room crying. We are trying now to file an official complaint agaist that guy. I am just disappointed in our colleagues: the whole year that teacher was mean to all of us and with what he did to those girls… it’s unforgivable. But the whole class, with a few exceptions, says they won’t even sign that complaint because it’s not their business. Really, I thought we were more of a group than that. But okay, they don’t want to, we’re not going to force them. I just think it’s opportunistic and cowardly from their part. I wasn’t in the room when it was happening either and I am going to do everything I can to make that guy pay for what he did. Not just because it’s my friends we’re talking about, but because it’s the right thing to do. My blood pressure is still raising every time I think about it.
Another thing is more cheerful (sort of): I started my second internship. I work at the office with some pretty jolly gals doing mostly what I do for that first internship: spell checking and proofreading the translations, fixing the formatting and stuff. Recently I also did some other things, like filling forms concerning freelancer translators who work with us. Very, very annoying stuff – boring as hell. But I’m an intern, so I do what I’m told to do. I gain experience. And when I’m done, it’s gonna be a huge advantage in any attempts to get a real job in the future. I hope.
Also? I got totally addicted to Tumblr. And I’m translating “Dalton”, a Glee AU!Klaine fanfiction, into Polish. It’s all fluffy and not at all realistic, but I love it anyway. Huh.
And yesterday, for the first time in my life, I got a little drunk. I have a very strong head and usually I get just a little buzz in my ears at most, I honestly don’t know why yesterday was so different. T’was a strange experience. Not at all unpleasant (I was just slightly out of control, singing, dancing and saying silly stuff, but nothing more disorderly), but also not sky-high cool. I mean, it was fun when it lasted, but right now I’m a little embarrassed for myself. I can’t think how I would feel if I did something really stupid. Or if I couldn’t remember what I did.
(I know I’m 22 and I should have this kind of experience long behind me (legal age in Poland is 18), but what can I say? I am usually a good girl. And I really have a strong head.)
Oh, and I have totally rainbow nail polish on right now, Darren Criss style. Also his pink sunglasses. That is a real obsession, ya know :D
(I also want a sea monkey wrist aquarium, just like Chris Colfer’s, but I guess finding it would be a little problematic, since that sorts of things are not popular in my corner of the world.)
And that’s pretty much all for now. Thanks for putting up with me and see you soon ;)
Update
So I’m halfway through my exam session. I’ve had 5 exams already, another 5 before. I know I passed written French, both parts, I just don’t know the grade. Italian was today and I won’t know the results till Monday, probably. What I know is that I got 4,5 (roughly equivalent of your B+ I guess) from General Lingustics and 5+ (A+) from Merlin (it was an optional class about a character of Merlin appearing in various medieval versions of Arthurian legends. I am kinda nuts about Arthurian legends, no wonder I passed that one without any problems at all, I didn’t even need to study, just read all the texts – and dare I say, it’s an accomplishment, since some of them were in Old French…). This is good, so far.
What is very not good is that Asia, one of my best friends, didn’t pass that Lingustics exam. This sucks, because now she wants to bail out the other exams because she doesn’t believe she can get to Masters Degree studies in the second enrolment, in September, after the repeat exam. I tried to tell her she should be strong and fight. There aren’t that many people who even try to get in on this degree and it’s entirely possible that there won’t be enough people to even open the faculty. So she should get in without problems in September. Still… pretty depressing. I just can’t be glad about my result when my friend didn’t succeed.
Also? I watched entire Glee show in 6 days and fell in love with Kurt. Or, more precisely, with the couple Kurt/Blaine. They are just so adorable together <3 I can’t express it. Or actually… I haven’t written any fanfiction in years, I’m more of my own creation kinda gal now, but right now I really feel like writing Kurt/Blaine slash. Me! I have nothing against slash if it’s well written, but I usually don’t search for that kind of texts myself. And here – I am just so tempted! Maybe it’s because they are so cute, maybe because this couple is actually canonic – something I can’t say about all the Drarrys, Snarrys etc. (Aevenien should kill me now. Though with a little luck, she won’t read this :D) Anyway, I shouldn’t even think about it and just go back to learning. But after the session ends – I am DEFINITELY writing a Kurt/Blaine fanfiction.
It deserves an explanation.
I am not dead. I just have so much to do in my “real” life that I don’t have time to do anything here. The exam session is zeroing in on me and I have an internship at the Translation Bureau (YAY!) and therefore lots of work and learning. I will be back to read and comment your blogs and write my own after the exam session, I promise. (I may even pop up for a moment during the session.) My first exam is on 2nd and the last one on the 15th, then the BA exam on the 27th. Keep you fingers crossed for me, please – I will need them!
Life without Internet sucks.
Hello, my friends. I’m sorry to have disappeared. I was offline due to the sheer stupidity of TP SA, which, until now, was my Internet provider. My connection was kind of wonky all the time since I moved to my actual apartment, but it was cut off for good some month ago. So there I was, without an access, desperately trying to find a new provider that I’d trust and my roommate would approve. Don’t get me wrong, I love Bastet, but if she hesitated over the decision any longer, I’d bang her in the head. With a bat. Plush bat.
Me and my plush bat. In a pink outfit.
(What? Don’t you have a plush bat on your shelf?) (Alright, alright. I’m explaining: one of my nicknames in the Internet is “Chauve-Souris”, which in French means “bat”. So I have many things linked to that animals, like a plush bat. or a clock in the shape of a bat. Or a little Dracula-bat hanging from my cell phone. And then some.) (So, why the Count (Yep, that’s my plush bat’s name. Did I mention that I love to give names to inanimate objects?) is wearing pink? It’s not my invention. My friend did this to him during a fantasy convention in Lublin. Strange things always happen there.)
Anyway, here I am, with a new provider, Internet working like a charm. But it wasn’t easy. And I don’t mean socially – although, of course, I missed every bit of my virtual social life and I’m so happy to be back! – but simply studying is hard without the Internet.
Everything is done through the Internet now. We have this giant called USOS, which is a site on which you sign up for classes, obligatory and optional, you get all the information, documents, everything. It doesn’t work that well, but it’s there and it’s important. But what’s even more important is that every class has its own e-mail address now and all our professors contact us on these addresses. They send materials to prepare, information, questions, demands, everything. For example, my Descriptive Grammar of Arabic prof sent an e-mail on Tuesday that she moved our classes from Thursday to Wednesday morning. I didn’t have Internet, so I didn’t know that and I didn’t go. If I knew, I still wouldn’t go, because Wednesday morning I have another classes on my other faculty, the one that is more important to me, but still.
And it’s not only that. I use Internet as a great source for knowledge. When I write a story, I make extensive research, and I need Internet for that. Yesterday, for example, I was trying to figure out how a vampire could break into the National Gallery of Art in Washington, D.C., steal a certain Prud’hon painting and get away with it. As it turns out, there’s not that much information about ways of breaking into the Gallery – could have figured that out on myself – but there are things like what’s on view and where exactly, which make a writer’s life so much easier. I still have to use my imagination for that, but at least I’ll be closer to the truth, more authentic. If it’s not authentic, it doesn’t feel real, and if it doesn’t feel real, it’s not very good writing.
But without that? I could live, for a time. What I can’t live without are dictionaries. I mean, every day I’m writing something in some language, whether it’s French, English, Italian or Arabic. I have a small paper dictionary of French and Italian, but it’s not enough for my leve, and I have no English or Arabic dictionary, so the Internet is my only resource. It really helps.
And, besides, I really missed my Internet entourage. Both Polish and foreign. Even more foreign than Polish, ’cause to my best Polish net friends I have other means of contact – a cell phone number, for that example. But to my friends abroad? No way of contacting them without Internet. And let me tell you, it just sucks.
Meme time!
I haven’t had an Internet access since Saturday, though maybe it’s a good thing, since I couldn’t waste my time on the Internet when I should spend it studying. Instead, I wasted it watching Mythbusters and crappy movies. Well, what the hell. I kicked the exam session in the butt after all. Yes, you read right – I’m all through it ! I finally passed the Arabic test, got a 4 (this would be your B, I presume) from Arabic Linguistics and also a 4 from Islam and thus finished the session with an average of 4,3. On Arabic Philology, ’cause on my Romance Philology I had only one exam, Theory of Literature, and I got a 5 (an A). Yeah, I am bragging right now.
But anyway. Today was the last exam (Islam) and tomorrow start the normal classes. Because of this damn extended session I didn’t actually get any spring break, but at least it’s over now. And the Internet’s back, right on time.
So, I’ve been tagged by Polish Mama on the Prairie. This is how it works:
It all started with Scottish Mum’s post:
“I have seen lots of posts about what we struggle with, or things that we like to do, and I’d like to find out a bit more information about all of you. This is my way of doing it. I am looking forward to visiting some of you on the blog hop.”
What you cannot choose. The Rules are Simple
“We all know that blogging/facebook/twitter is in our arena of what we like to do, so I am going to rule them out as one of the 5 that you can post about. They really are not very girly. Likewise, phones, computers, ipads are all out of the running. I am challenging myself to this, as I am really not a girly girly type of person, and I want to find that within myself. It’s not all about power suits, filofaxes, ipads and designer phones.
If you want to pass this along, pick bloggers that you want to find out more about, and challenge them to write up their 5 secret passions that make them feel good. The idea is to lift our spirits this week. The fact that there is a linky added, just makes it all the more worthwhile in doing.”
So, my Top Five:
- This won’t come as a surprise, but I am absolutely nuts about literature. I read my first real book at the age of 5. It was “The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe” by C.S. Lewis. I actually don’t remember this, it’s my mom who told me about it, I think. My whole family is kinda nerdy that way. My mom used to read books under her covers when they were supposed to sleep (I tried to pulled the same stunt, but sharing a room with a 6 years older brother does not facilitate things). My father is a long-time member of the “Book World”, which requires its members to buy something from its catalogue every three months and in return, gives big discounts. My brother used to really irritate me by lighting his lamp and reading very late in the night when I was trying to sleep. Until I started to do the same. I suspect we have more books in our home than clothes. I am also kind of a writer. So far, I’ve written only short stories published on the Internet, but I also wrote a book that I’m trying to get published. Really. I didn’t get much success so far, but I have a lot of time – and, unfortunately, it’s hard to make a debut in Poland, especially with a book. It’s easier to get published with a short story in a magazine.
- This won’t be a surprise either, but I’m also absolutely nuts for the Middle Ages. I love this period, it fascinates me big time. I’m especially tuned into the matière de Bretagne, the Arthurian legends. I may not be a real expert, but I certainly know a lot more than an average passer-by. I actually read the first versions of the legend, the French one, those of Chretien de Troyes and the Vulgate (well, I haven’t read all the Vulgate, it’s much too big, but still). If you ever had a question about Arthur, ask me. Even if I don’t know the answer, I’ll know where to look for one. I also enjoy reading and watching the recent versions of the legend, though sometimes they frustrate me a lot. (I mean, come on, Merlin BBC is a crappy tv show, it has absolutely nothing to do with the legends besides names, and I still watch it and actually like it.) The best recent version of Arthurian legend? “The Mists of Avalon” by Marion Zimmer Bradley. It’s not very accurate to the actual legend, but it’s very well written and very interestingly composed, ’cause everything is told from the point of view of female characters of the story, mostly Morgana, but also Guenevere and Igraine and others. It’s also very mystic and a little disturbing. Very good book. And if you’re looking for a movie, I’d recommend “Perceval le Gallois”, but I guess you wouldn’t understand it without the previous lecture of Chretien de Troyes. I know I wouldn’t. Other than that there is no really good adaptation. “Merlin” from 1998, the miniseries, is quite good at some points, but crappy at others. “King Arthur” has hardly anything to do with the legends. “Excalibur” is just plain wrong; I mean, it’s a crappy movie. It’s just boring. I can’t wait till April, when the new series starts – “Camelot”. I have high hopes for this!
- I don’t smoke cigarettes (I never actually even tried, and I don’t feel like I’m gonna ever try), but from time to time I really enjoy shisha. Usually I smoke it in the Tea Shop, when we gather with friends, get one shisha for several people and pass along the tube. But when I was in Egypt this last september, I bought my own shisha. It’s not very big, but really pretty. I smoke it once every two months, if not rarer, but I still love it. It makes me light-headed in a happy, positive way.
My Egyptian shisha
- From time to time, I like to play some computer games. I don’t do it much, because I don’t have time for this, but it’s a great way to relax sometimes. I play RPGs mostly, my favorites being Vampire: The Masquerade Bloodlines, Neverwinter Nights II, Planescape Torment and Knights of the Old Republic II. I like Civilisation, the Settlers and Heroes of Might and Magic too, though they are not RPGs. Usually, I prefer RTS to TBS, but Civilisation and Heroes are really great.
- I love to wake up in the morning, look at the clock and realize that I don’t have to get up. I love to just lay in the warm bed in the morning, on the verge between the dream and the reality, not quite conscious yet, but also not sleeping anymore. I love the feeling that I don’t have to do anything, I can stay there, in the warmth, and daydream as long as I want. It’s fabulous.
(Ok, I talk way too much.)
And now, I still don’t have all five people I could tag (not with PolPrairieMama tagging me and Ewa), so I’ll tag the two I can ;)
And tomorrow I’m going home, at last, to see my parents for the first time in month, so I’m quite excited. I’ll get back to you after the weekend then, if Internet will work, of course. Have a great end of the week :)
This week sucked.
It really did. I had an Arabic test on Monday, which I blew completely; I’ll have to retake it. I did completely nothing on Tuesday, which was very lame, because on Wednesday I had an exam on Theory of Literature (which was held in French). I got up at 4 a.m. to study for this exam, wrote it at 10 a.m. Then did nothing for the rest of the day.
And then Thursday came. I had another exam on Friday, so I really wanted to study. But. My flatmate, Bastet (this is not her name, of course, but a nickname; we met on the Internet, been friends for two years in real life and then moved together when the option presented itself), ahs been sick for some time before. I told her on Sunday that she should go to see a doctor, but she didn’t want to waste time. She, too, has to pass her exam session. She’s already certified dentist, but she wanted to do something else, so she started studying ethnology. It’s pretty darn impressive, if you ask me.
And Thursday, at last, she went to the doctor. She was feeling so bad that she asked me to accompany her, because she was afraid she could collapse. Of course, I went with her. We waited some time, but once she got into the doctor’s cabinet, it was quick. Doctor said it was an abscess of tonsil and told her she had to go to the hospital. The ambulance was called in and we were gone to the hospital. (Fortunately, paramedics let me come with her in the ambulance.) This was a first for me – I was never in the ambulance before.
Of course, once we got to the hospital, from the movement we came to sudden stop. We had to wait. And so we waited. Bastet wasn’t feeling so good, but at last she was examined by the specialist. The laryngologist said it wasn’t as bad as the first contact doctor said. Bastet didn’t need to stay in the hospital, but the doctor prescribed her some really strong medicines. We got back home by taxi, I made her some tea – since she was dehydrated – she took the meds and went to bed. Next day she was a little bit better and today, she speaks normally at last and can swallow everything without pain. Thursday, she was in such pain when she was speaking that she couldn’t even call her mom to tell her what was going on; I did all the phone calls for her. T’was a crazy day, let me tell you.
And of course, we got back at 9 p.m., so there went my all-day learning. I stayed up all night, though, studying. I chose to at least try to pass it, and I made the right choice, because the professor said he wouldn’t put the bad grade to my index (since, of course, I screwed up the exam) and let me retake it with still a chance of a good grade. (Because normally if you fail and retake an exam, the grade you get is an average of the two, so you can’t really get anything better than 3+, which is C+ in America, I guess.) Let me tell you, it was a tough night. I studied History of Islam (that was the subject, “Introduction to Islam”, meaning its history and most important rules) while drinking South American beverage called Yerba Mate (it’s the only thing beside Energy Drinks that wakes me up; coffee doesn’t work on me. And Energy Drinks are not healthy, while Yerba is!) and listening to Maccabeats and Loreena McKennitt and other Celtic music. That was a real culture mixture!
But I’ve blown the exam anyway. I went back home and went straight to bed. And ever since, I haven’t done a single constructive thing. Right, I’ve been with my friend to the lecture about Chinese superstitions connected to their calendar (I know now why I wan born on 23rd; the world’s supposed to have a very bad luck this day, so that explains it). And we went to the shop with soap bubbles. And the to the best cafe I’ve ever seen (they have a round table. And the throne it men’s restroom. And waiters and waitresses wear medieval clothes. It’s absolutely fantastic!). But still, it wasn’t anything really constructive. And today? Today I’ve done a big, round ZIP. Nothing. Null. Zilch. Ech.
How lame.
Greetings!
Hello there.
This is like, the third time I’m trying to start a blog in English. So far I always lost interest after few months, mostly because nobody would read me. And then I start again. Because I’m self-centered, egoistic and I like to talk about myself. But isn’t it really the very reason anyone starts a blog?
So. You know who I am. (If you don’t, on the right in the menu you can see the “About Amy The Wicked” page. It says a lot. Actually, probably more than you wanted to know.) In the moment, I am mostly a student. That’s because the exam session is about to start (or, really, already has started). I’m studying two faculties right now and it’s not been easy. Studying two faculties in Poland is not the same thing as having major and minor in USA. It’s more like having two majors and then some at the same time. And so, with the exam session starting Friday… well, I’ll do anything just to avoid learning. I know I need to learn and I need to learn now, it’s just… I can’t seem to be able to motivate myself to do it. I have an attitude of someone who suffers from procrastination. And stress only makes it harder to focus on what’s important.
Anyway, I’m starting over. Beware. :)
